Finding the Key that Unlocks our Virtue: My story of finding equanimity as a Enneagram Type 4.
To be clear from the beginning, this isn’t a story of arrival— I haven’t found a way to live in the virtue of my Enneagram Type all the time. I don’t really think that is possible. But I did have a recent experience of prolonged equanimity, and I want to write about it. This story could be of particular benefit to Type 4s, but I hope will provide insight and reflection for anyone wanting to move towards greater wholeness.
Part 1: The framework of the Enneagram symbol
At the beginning of Typing Sessions, I always talk to my clients about the Enneagram symbol. Sometimes, people are tempted to ignore it, because it looks weird and mystical. Yet the symbol is key. It provides something many personality systems don’t have— a map. Enneagram can guide us to see not only our home base Type, but also the way we move in times of stress (arrow pointing away) and in times of security (arrow pointing towards). Both these arrow points tend to happen in those two circumstances, but if we open to them more regularly, and consciously integrate some of their characteristics, we find our way to a different kind of presence and balance.
When I describe the security arrow, I say it is often something that shows up for us when we are around our friends and family (people who feel safe) or at home (a place that feels safe) or on vacation (a time that feels safe). In a circumstance when our guard is down, it is a way of being in the world that is able to move towards us and come in. It’s a Type that is always inside of us, but we usually push it away because it doesn’t fit inside the box of our Enneagram Type.
For me as a Type 4, my security arrow is Type 1. Type 1s can be described with words like responsible, practical, committed, objective, and thorough. Compare that to Type 4s, who can be described with words like deep, creative, introspective, emotional, and expressive. If I want to experience the world as an intuitive artist who lives my truest identity and embraces feelings while looking for the meaning of things, how can I let in the Type 1 part of me? She sounds frustrating, difficult, and dull. Plus, when that responsible and thorough person has bubbled up from me, she has tended to also be controlling and critical. She was a young me who had a definite Miss Bossypants Perfectionist persona. Subconsciously, I’m afraid of becoming her, so I close myself off to all the characteristics and energy of Type 1’s way of being in the world.
In doing so, I throw out the key that could unlock the very meaning I am longing for.
Part 2: Opening to my inner Type 1
My partner is a Type 1, so it’s easy to default to him to be the responsible planner for our household needs. But when the time comes for vacation, the bulk of the planning often falls to me. This happened naturally, and has been a great way to practice accessing that security point of my inner Type 1. This year, that planning was for our family to take an epic 3-week National Park camping road trip.
National Parks release their campsites for reservation on different timelines— from 6 months to 3 months to 2 months ahead, with many selling out within moments of opening. This meant I had to plan a detailed itinerary, knowing when we would come and go from each park, researching when that park opened their campsites, and setting aside the time to book them the date they became available.
This part of the process was like getting the key out of my pocket.
This trip couldn’t happen on intuition and feeling. I had to recognize not only that I was capable of thorough and detailed planning, but also that I had the fortitude to follow through with the right steps of that plan at the right time. I not only created a spreadsheet, I also used it (which is often the harder of the two steps for me). As each campsite and permit came together, I had a sense of satisfaction in what I was making happen. The boring drudgery felt worth it for the potential it held. My inner Type 1 was creating the framework required for my future self to experience beauty and connection.
It was the trip itself, though, when I recognized the power of the key I now held in my hands. Type 1s, along with Types 8 and 9, are in the Gut Center. When healthy, these Types connect to the intelligence of the body and the grounding force of the present moment. Bodies can exist only in the here and now. This physicality is something Type 4s can lose, as we get lost in the longing of our hearts, wishing for what was or what could be.
Camping unlocked a simple existence that is naturally embodied. When off grid, which we were for much of the time, there was no social media or phone calls or emails to bring forward my comparing mind. There was no Amazon or errand running or thinking about what we needed or wanted. We couldn’t control the elements with air conditioning or heat or walls or running water. We were connected to the earth, slept near the ground, and woke up when the sun came up. We made food, headed to the hike or activity of the day, made food again, and went to bed. There was enough work to keep us busy, but it was more about physical work (like chopping wood or getting water) than mental work. It was about doing and being and experiencing what each day held.
Type 4s, as deep divers and meaning makers, can be overly introspective and reflective in everyday life. We wander through time filtering everything through our hearts, and getting stuck in the mud of the hard emotions because of the way they feel most real to us. The embodied simplicity and work of camping left little space for introspection. It took energy to live, and it turns out just living was enough. I was experiencing serenity, which is “the quality of being peaceful and calm” according to the Cambridge Dictionary. It is also the virtue of Type 1, which, as I was letting go of longing and melancholy, I was opening to more and more.
This was like putting the key into the lock.
From the groundedness and serenity of that simple existence in the campground, we moved into our hikes. In places like Yosemite, Sequoia, Zion, and Canyonlands, we walked and climbed paths of extraordinary beauty and majesty. Often, when I am in grand places, I dig for the depths of meaning inside of them. I look for metaphors, get flooded by the nostalgia of similar moments from my past, or become lost in the feelings of unmanifested dreams.
On this trip, I experienced something powerfully different. I took each day for what it was. Some hikes held deep conversation with children, while others held quiet reflection, and still others were filled with the light-hearted space of the alphabet game. Some landscapes were giant mountains or vast canyons, while others were calm lakes or bubbling streams or roaring waterfalls, and still others were ancient trees or seasonal wildflowers. Many held a combination of those elements. Throughout the time, I had the powerful sense of how everything belonged. The serious and the fun, the deep and the shallow, the old and the new. We were part of each moment and each moment was part of us, and nothing needed to be other than what it was.
The serenity of Type 1 and the power of the natural world worked together to transform my envy into equanimity. According to this article from Masterclass, “Equanimity means developing an evenness of mind and imperturbability while remaining fully engaged with your circumstances and aware of the present moment.” It is the virtue for Type 4, transforming our capacity to experience depth and difficulty into a spaciousness to experience all things, including the hard but not limited to it. I didn’t have to make meaning— the meaning was already there— I just had to be present to it.
Part 3: Applying this to all of us
Are you a Type other than Type 4? Use this post as a prompt for your own reflection. What if opening to the Type of your security arrow could give you the key you need?
Type 1s, how could you open to the spontaneity and optimism of your inner Type 7?
Type 2s, how can you open to the creativity and self-expression of your inner Type 4?
Type 3s, how can you open to the preparation and loyalty of your inner Type 6?
Type 4s, how can you open to the thoroughness and planning of your inner Type 1?
Type 5s, how can you open to the confidence and forward action of your inner Type 8?
Type 6s, how can you open to the acceptance and peacefulness of your inner Type 9?
Type 7s, how can you open to the independence and analysis of your inner Type 5?
Type 8s, how can you open to the generosity and cooperation of your inner Type 2?
Type 9s, how can you open to the efficiency and achievement of your inner Type 3?
I have never experienced equanimity as consistently as I did on this trip.
In hindsight, what is clear to me is how uncomplicated and ordinary it was. I didn’t have to go to a guru or have a therapy break through or paint a masterpiece. Though those things can be valuable, sometimes they can also be a distraction. The key wasn’t inside introspection or enlightenment.— it was hiding inside simplicity. I just had to stop resisting the energy that was already inside of me. Turns out my inner Type 1 wasn’t the Little Miss Bossypants Perfectionist I was afraid of. She was a serene force who was asking me to take her into nature so she could teach me to be present.
I can’t wait until I can hold her hand and go again.
💛 Stephanie
