Parenting and The Enneagram: How our Enneagram Type affects our parenting priorities.
One of the most frequently asked questions I get as an Enneagram Coach is “How can I use Enneagram in my parenting?”
Sometimes behind that question is a desire to type kids, and wondering how to do so well. The answer to that desire is complicated, and perhaps another post for another time. Whether or not we know our kids’ Enneagram Types, though, Enneagram is a useful parenting tool. Why?
The most effective way to use Enneagram in parenting is to observe how our Enneagram Type affects our parenting priorities.
Our Enneagram Type is a lens through which we make decisions, assess meaning, and create preferences. Which means it is at play in our parenting choices quite frequently.
Are you aware of how your Enneagram Type affects your parenting?
Let’s explore that with some questions, based on the Energy Triads. (The triads are a key component of my book, Out of the Box & Into the Wild: An Enneagram Journey through the Triads of Nature.)
The Active Triad is independent and confident, moving forward to make things happen.
Types in this triad can struggle with pushing past the heart. So, as parents:
Type 3: How am I supporting my children to accomplish their dreams? Am I giving them space to learn through trial and failure?
Type 7: How am I exposing my children to all the wonderful opportunities around them? Am I allowing time to slow down, rest, and just be?
Type 8: How am I pushing past barriers that could hold my children back? Am I protecting them from battles they might need to fight?
The Receptive Triad is open and perceiving, providing space for understanding and flexibility.
Types in this triad can struggle with inertia and withdrawal. So, as parents:
Type 4: How am I creating opportunities to have deep conversations with my children about feelings and purpose? Am I getting lost in my own world and missing theirs?
Type 5: How am I helping my children become complex thinkers who integrate their learnings and experiences? Am I moving into my head at times when they need my heart?
Type 9: How am I opening space in our family priorities for my children to have and do what they want? Am I flowing with their desires at times I should boundary or lead instead?
The Balancing Triad is responsible and good, meeting expectations and helping others.
Types in this triad struggle with rigidity and self-importance. So, as parents:
Type 1: How am I helping my children to reach the heights of their capabilities? Am I stressing them out or pushing too hard for perfection?
Type 2: How am I working to give my children a meaningful and idyllic childhood? Am I giving them room to experience disappointment and live in the mundane?
Type 6: How am I teaching my children responsibility and the value of working for the greater good? Am I allowing them time to go through messy and selfish developmental stages?
How can you use these questions and more to have curiosity about how your parenting priorities may differ from your partner’s, gain in clarity about what you are focusing on and why, and grow in compassion towards others in your household?
Want to think more about how our Enneagram Type affects how we parent? My friend Valerie runs wonderful and trustworthy parenting courses at Joyfull Coaching. You may also want to check out the books Knowing Me, Knowing Them or The Path Between Us.
💛 Stephanie
